Don't Mess With Me

There are a few phrases that just make my blood boil, make me want to turn and irrationally yell at whomever has just uttered those words. One of them is one I heard many times today - Don't take it personally. Don't take it personally??? Really??? When it affects me, it is personal. When it affects someone I love, it is personal. When it affects someone I respect, it is personal. I know I am not in a position to change rules, policies, et cetera in all areas of my life, but that doesn't mean I have to like them. I tend to be one of those people that quickly jumps up on my soapbox to defend my views or defend others (yeah, if you know me well, this fact comes as no surprise).  I happen to like my soapbox, finding it therapeutic to get worked up something, let out my frustrations, thoughts, emotions, and then stomp down and try to move on with my day. It is my adult version of throwing a toddleresque temper tantrum if you will. 


Today just happened to be one of those days that started with frustration, that continued with frustration, a day during which all little things seemed to annoy the hell out of me. Now before you say, whaaaa, whaaaa, stop whining, stop and think. We all have these days, and if you can't admit that you do, you are lying. I have the right to be frustrated with the world and in the end, the world will probably thank me for letting this frustration out today, rather than holding on to it and exploding in a not-so-pretty mess of frustration at the end of the week. In short, don't mess with me when I am already upset. 


What am I REALLY upset about? I'd rather not say, as I need to maintain personal and professional composure and save face. Most people who saw me today did not really see me, but rather my friend Molly, Molly Sunshine. Many of you know Molly well and perhaps even receive Molly as a visitor during you days we well. She is a lovely friend, the one who you hear coming out of my mouth when I say I am "Fine, just FINE!" Molly is the one who allows me to smile when I want to scowl, to answer the phone pleasantly when I want to just ignore the ringing or say "What do you want now?" Molly is a necessary part of my work day when I am frustrated. I am glad that she is there and I am sure my co-workers would agree, probably even suggesting that she continue to hang around until I can get my attitude in check. 


I try not to use this blog to just rant about things that upset or anger me, but today is one of those days. Perhaps it is more of several days of little frustrations all built up, then set in motion by one bigger one from today. Either way, I am aware of the fact that I am not the most pleasant person to be around today. My apologies. Perhaps tomorrow I will be back to being the ray of sunshine that you all have come to love. So, early to bed with hopes of letting sleep clear my mind and put me back on an even playing field. I just have to remind myself that it's just life and things could be worse... but honestly, I am glad they're not. I might just wring Molly's little neck....


What frustrates you and how do you handle it? Suggestions?

Blood, Sweat and Tears

They are told it will be hard, possibly the most challenging thing they have ever done or will do. They are told it will be long, 12 to 16 hours to be exact. They are told it will be rough, possibly resulting in cuts, bruises, bleeding, even broken bones or a concussion. They might be scared, but they are ready, and they are strong. They are the amazing people who test for a Black Belt in martial arts, who work hard and use all that they have, their strength, skill, determination, discipline, heart, soul, blood, sweat and tears to earn the rank of First Dan. Today, my brother Austin, 15 years old and 7 years of karate strong, earned that impressive rank, and became Sensei Austin. I am beyond proud of him and I know that rest of our family, as well as his karate instructors, feel the same way.

Austin started karate, excited and enthusiastic, wearing his first gi, all white and with a white belt. Over the last seven years, we have seen his natural talent manifest itself, his skills become honed and his confidence, strength, and "inner black belt" shine. He carries himself with the confidence of someone who knows he is strong, mentally and physically and and as his studio's Student Creed says, with a positive attitude. He has developed into not only a student of his chosen art, but a teacher as well, setting an example for other students as well as for others around him in his everyday life.

After a grueling 2 day test of not only his strength and skill , but his discipline, his desire, and his character, Austin is an official Black Belt, proudly the rank of First Dan. His body is bruised and sore and his mind is exhausted, but he stands tall, proud of what he has accomplished at the age of 15. Proud probably doesn't describe what our parents, grandparents, and other brother feel, but whatever it is that we feel for him today, we all show it with huge smiles and lots of hugs for our newest Sensei.

There is another someone special who is also feeling extra proud today, Austin's teacher, Sensei Amy. She is a wonderful woman, someone I am lucky to know. Amy is an amazing karate instructor, but is so much more to many of her students. As she said at the ceremony today, through tears of joy and pride, her students, the other instructors, and so many of us as well, are like family. She supports her students as well as their families as they journey towards their karate goals. She definitely looked proud to present Austin with his Black Belt today, and I know he was proud to have earned it alongside her.

There may have been more bruises and scrapes, rather than blood, but I know both sweat and tears flowed freely over the last 2 days. Sweat from hard work, sweat of anticipation, tears of pain, tears of frustration, tears of pride, tears of exhaustion, tears of joy. I am so proud of Austin and his accomplishments. He is truly strong in so many ways. Here's to you Sensei Austin!

Yes, I Give Myself Pep Talks, Well, Kind Of

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel as if nothing is going right and no matter what you do, you can't seem to get rid of the little grey cloud above your head? Well, I know I have those days and I have found that just doing something little for myself, no matter how small it may be, can make it better. Instead of counting on others and outside forces to make the day a bit sunnier or less stressful, I have found a way to give myself a little pep talk, a reminder that I can handle anything. 

On one of these most challenging days, a few months ago, I was out purchasing program supplies for work, and randomly sitting on a shelf in the kiddie craft section, completely out of place was this little gem:

Being the shoe lover that I am, I knew it was a sign. I purchased it for myself (who doesn't love random gifts for no real reason, even if they are from yourself) and upon my return to the office, quickly placed it on my desk, not out there for everyone to see, but right where I can see it when I need it. I always say that wearing fabulous shoes can bring an improvement to your attitude, so now, on those most trying of days, I sneak a peak at this little picture, then look down at the soles I chose that day. Then, I take a deep breathe and I swear I can feel my soul smile. 

What little things bring you joy when you are feeling down or overwhelmed?

Don't Get Too Comfortable....

At church this past Sunday, Fr. Bob spoke about stepping outside your comfort zone. I felt as if he was talking to me specifically. You see, I spent three days last week outside of my comfort zone. I put myself there. I wanted to be there. I was part of a small group that trained to facilitators on the new High Ropes course at camp. I was excited and nervous at the same time, having no clue what to expect. Unlike the other participants, I had never been on or even looked at a high ropes course and was feeling a little overwhelmed at the beginning. I can’t say it was completely the heights, but frankly, 20 or 40 feet in the air, standing on a wire or a teeny tiny platform, scary. The course was mentally challenging, even more so than physically. I made the choice to take that training and wanted to squeeze every drop of experience out of it that I could.



There were people in the group I knew, people I didn’t, people I felt super comfortable with and trusted, and others I wasn’t so sure about. Trust is not something I can give on a whim. I don’t want to be preachy and say that you have to earn my trust, yadda yadda, but honestly, I had a hard time just putting my life in someone’s hands right away. Saying to someone, “Yes, go ahead, clip me into these cables and I’ll just trust you” or “Sure, I’ll stand on this platform with you and trust you to send me down the zip line” or “Uh, okay, I’ll climb this wall and let you control the ropes that keep me from plummeting to the ground,” not so easy. It was a completely different world up there, at least the view I had. It was new, it was scary, it was challenging to the body. I had muscles that hurt that I didn’t know I had, I had scrapes and bruises, I had a thumb that was still healing that got pushed to it’s limits and perhaps beyond.


Going beyond what we perceive to be our limits is not easy at all. As humans we like to comfortable, we find our circle, our niche, the places and people we feel at ease with, and we tend to stick with that. Some people are brave souls, living life outside that circle, or perhaps with no circle at all. It is a challenge and a choice to step outside that comfort zone, to take a leap of faith (though often not so literal of a leap), and try something new. Climbing the wall, riding the zip line, traversing elements suspended in the air, none of these things fall within my comfort zone. I stepped outside, took some deep breaths, and went for it, did the best I could, and told myself that trying something new, taking the challenge, already means I succeeded. I may not have been the best at doing the tasks, but I did the best I could.


It was odd to sit in church, where, to be completely honest, I am not always listening, and feel like someone was talking to me. I know Fr. Bob wasn’t, but relating what he was saying to what I had experienced for three days, was interesting. I can’t say the moment was particularly religiously significant, but rather personally significant. It was a moment when the term, a leap of faith, took on some new meaning for me. I literally had leapt and had to have faith, not only in myself, but others. Faith and trust went hand in hand, and thankfully, those were strong hands!


What have you done that has put you outside your comfort zone? How did you feel afterwards?

You Can Do It!

We all face little challenges, each day. Sometimes getting up in the morning is a challenge, for one reason or another. Sometimes not snipping at a co-worker is a challenge and sometimes it is making yourself head to the gym instead of to Starbucks. Whatever the challenges of every day life are, they are usually just put there in front of us, nothing we asked for. It is not like most people get up in the morning and think, "Gee, i really wish I big challenge would be tossed at me today." Personally, I don't mind the occasional challenge, something that makes me think, use my creative juices, step into territory that is for me, perhaps uncharted. Other days, I wish only for the norm, for an easy day, with no surprises, busy work that doesn't require too much thinking, too much physical exertion, et cetera.

A few weekends ago, a group of 10 ladies, myself included, took on a challenge, we willingly signed up and took on the challenge, the challenge of being trained to facilitate a low ropes challenge course at camp. Yes, you read that right, me and a challenge course at camp. Honestly, at first I wasn't sure I wanted to volunteer, not sure of what I would be getting myself into, but then as I thought about it, I thought to myself, how often do I get to try something completely new, something outside my comfort zone and skill set. Well, this was an opportunity to do just that and so, I went for it.

A low ropes challenge course is used for team building. It is a series of elements set in the woods, each requiring not only physical strength to master, but mental strength, group strength and a sense of being a team, the ability to work together towards a common goal. Some of the ladies in the group I was with I already knew, other staff members, and others were summer camp staff, others were volunteers. It was an interesting mix, but as we went, we learned about about each other, about ourselves, about what each one of us had to offer the group in terms of our strengths, both physical and non-physical. Some people had experience with this type of course, some did not. I was just excited, and though while I was on the non-experienced end of the spectrum, I had a sneaking suspicion that my enthusiasm and willingness to try anything once would serve me well.

I was right. We started off with team building exercises, games, etc. We talked about safety and demonstrated our new-found understanding of safety measures, as well as how to teach them to girls. Then, we were introduced to the elements, one by one. Some were easier to take on physically, but required a lot of thought and planning in regards to how to complete the task at hand successfully as a group. As a group, the real point of all of the activities, working together and utilizing each others strengths, overcoming weaknesses, and finding options that work for everyone. I don't see how anyone could take on these elements as a group without a sense of trust in and respect for each other. I could see those things building, our respect for one another growing as we went, the level of trust increasing, as every individual proves what they are capable of, not only to the rest of the group, but most importantly to themselves. The sense of pride and accomplishment is shared, but also, you take a little piece of that for yourself, tucking it quietly into your pocket with a grin, for a rainy day.

I never expected to shimmy past others, climbing over a friend as I moved from one end of a large log to the other. Climbing a cargo net, around from front to back, swinging on a rope swing and not dragging my feet, worming my way under a net, blindfolded, my whole team looking on and guiding me with their words. Oh, and who can forget being pushed up and on top of a large spinning bobbin, then trying to get down the other side, not falling face first. Or perhaps it was helping a team member across the swings, then trying to swing and squeeze myself across as well, all without touching the ground. Yes, it was an interesting experience. Yes, I did it!

I learned a lot about teamwork, about how what you think effects the outcome as much, if not more so, than what you actually do. A challenge course is not something most people who know me would call " a very Nina thing to do," but it was something I wanted to try, and thanks to my own hard work and that of the ladies I was with, it was a positive and successful experience, a challenge willingly taken. My body was worn, cold, bruised, scraped, sore in places and I never knew I had. That aside, I am happy that I can enjoy sharing those feelings and experiences with groups of girls. Some will the scared, some will be nervous, some will think they can do it all, but what matters most is not what skills and mindsets they come in with, but what they leave with.
 You would think with the great experience I had that I would be happy to leave with those feelings and sense of success, coming back to just share it with others. Wrong my friends. I will be taking on the high ropes course, 40 feet in the air, harnesses and ropes, climbing wall, zip line, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Crazy? Probably. Out of my comfort zone? Definitely. A challenge? For sure. Excited? Of course!

Here's to taking on new challenges, big or small, and never forgetting that what matters most is that you took the challenge to begin with, no matter the outcome. (PS, remind me of that when I am scared and sore and and and in a few weeks....)