There is Room for Good Etiquette Everywhere

As my mother so often says, “Good manners never go out of style.” She is oh so right. Good etiquette is something that so many people seem to know nothing about these days, matters of social politeness and what is proper often eludes many individuals, including some that I have contact with on a daily basis. This makes me sad, very sad. Granted, you must keep in mind that I am the girl whose mother gave her Emily Post’s Etiquette Book as a second grader, and I read it from cover to cover. I pride myself on knowing the right way to behave in social situations, how to pen invitations and letters with class and even who should wear what and sit where at a wedding. Some of things I know in regards to standard etiquette are peculiar and not often used and others are things that I believe are a matter of simply having and using good manners.

Manners, whether you know it or not, apply to our electronic, technological world the world wide web as well, or at least, they should. It seems to me that there is often a lack of etiquette on social networking sites. I am not saying that these fun websites should be structured, but common courtesy for others should be considered when you “talk” online as well as when you speak in person or via pen. Here are what I believe should be viable etiquette points for Facebook, if you please:

1. It is rather impolite to use your Facebook status only as means to complain about your life. We all have bad days, bad weeks, situations in our lives that lead us to whine a little, to want to share the frustrations of our existence with others. Facebook statuses are often used for that, to convey the fact that one had a lousy day at work or just experienced a less than desired social interaction. It is okay to say to state that you have a headache, feel sick, don’t want to go to work, et cetera, but…. not all the time! People, please, give me a break! There is more to life than complaining and be warned, if you post nothing but whines and bitches as your status, I am likely to soon de-friend you. Note that, while sharing your life and feelings, both the good and the bad, is the point of those statuses, please don’t bring everyone down by being a Debbie Downer. Sad face with tear….

2. If someone declines an invitation, it is polite to accept and not bother them over and over and over again with the same invitation. No one likes a Pushy Patty ladies and gentlemen. Some people use Facebook to simply stay in touch with friends and family, others use it to meet new people or to find out what is going on in their area, and others yet enjoy the many games and apps that it offers. While it is wonderful for you to choose a game and get joy from playing it, please do not assume that everyone on your friends list will feel the same way. If you think someone might want to play said game, invite them or suggest it to them – once. If they decline, please don’t make yourself a nuisance by inviting me to play over and over again. If I want to, I will. If I don’t, I wish you fun times without me. The same thing goes for apps. While I know you love me, want to share a drink with me, want to hug me or whatever the case may be, if I do not accept the virtual heart, drink, hug, tree, flower, whatever, don’t take it personally. Thank you for your kind thoughts, but just because a friend has an application does not mean I am going to add all of them. This would require far too much effort to keep up and on top of things. At the same time, I respect your right to have the apps and play the games you choose and will not be a Pushy Patty with you either. Please and thank you kindly.

3. Facebook is fun and sometimes correct grammar is put aside – that’s okay. I am sure that my English major friends are cringing right now, but hear me out, please. We have all used “text talk” or slang on Facebook, and because it is a fun social network, I feel this is appropriate. This does not mean that we should disregard all grammar, as I for one am often annoyed when sentences don’t make any sense or are one long run-on when they should be 4 or 5 individual sentences. I should not get a headache while trying to decipher the jumble and mush that is your status, with a mix of capital letters in the middle of words and symbols that need a code to crack. As long as it makes sense and any normal, educated, literate person, it is okay in my book. Occasionally we all make mistakes on spelling or grammar, misusing a pronoun or not writing in the correct tense or case, but what we should all recognize is that sometimes the meaning of what is written is more important. I find it extremely rude for someone to correct another person’s grammar publicly on Facebook. As the reader, you don’t know if it was an honest mistake or was written that way for a reason, as part of an inside joke, et cetera. While I appreciate correct grammar and spelling in most writing, I feel that sometimes people should kindly step down from their high horses and realize that no one is perfect. Yes, I may misuse I/me or lay/lie occasionally, but really, who does it hurt? Please be kind.

4. When I look at your profile, I should know it is you. Seems like stating the obvious, I know, but many people do not agree. I know that you are proud of your kids, your pets, your garden, et cetera, but they are not you! If I am looking for a friend from high school, for example, and she has a picture of a newborn, what are the chances that I know that that is the Suzie Smith I am looking for? I don’t and it is frustrating. Put up a family picture or you with said offspring, pet, whatever you like, but please be courteous and put yourself. If I know you, I know you are not that puppy or that smiley-faced three year old or that cartoon character, but still. The page is yours, with your information, about you and I believe you should show us who you are, which is not someone or something else. Also along the same lines, if you and your significant other want to have Facebook accounts, do not have one that you share. Again, while this relationship might be a very important part of who you are, it is not you, the whole you, or at least it shouldn’t be. Celebrate the awesomeness that is you by having a profile of your own. Honestly, it looks utterly ridiculous to have your name be JohnandJane Doe instead of John Doe having his and Jane having hers. If you are going to commit to being part of a social network, do it, yourself, not as some odd morphed significant other “Bennifer”-like monster. Thank you kindly.

5. Your statuses need not be a live feed of your every movement. I love the fact that when something pops into my head, I can take a quick moment and post a status about it on Facebook. I also love to see the randomness that floats in and out of the minds of those I know throughout the day. Many of you that are my Facebook friends are indeed very amusing and I thank you for bringing a smile to my face throughout the week. Some people post things that make me want to say, “What the…?” That’s okay, too, as that is just their way. There is something to be said for the peculiar or something with a little shock value now and then. What drives me bonkers is a status such as “Good night FB.” Something cute or even simple about the fact that it is bedtime for you is okay, but bidding adieu to the whole site for the night? Really? Also, is there a need to tell the whole world, “Time to eat, then taking a shower, then going to bed.”? I do not need a play by play of your actions all day, the mundane and boring things we all do every day. If someone feels the need to know every little thing you do all day long and when you do it, I think you should start feeling a little scared and consider changing your locks. Stating the obvious is just not necessary. Do you need to know “I am driving to work.” “It’s raining.” “Eating lunch.” Some things just don’t need to be shared. Thank you for thinking I am that interested in your life, but no thank you.
 I know it might seem that I am very impatient and rather bossy after reading these rules, but I think that if people tried them out, they would see that they simply make the social networking experience more pleasant for all who choose to take part. Please do not be offended by these rules as I am not singling anyone out, pointing a finger at you personally, nothing like that. I am simply sharing what I would like to see, expressing the things that frustrate me about the wonderful world of Facebook. I am sure that you all have your own frustrations with whatever social network sites you are part of and people’s behavior and habits thereon, so share them with me. Sorry, I meant, please feel free to share with me at your convenience.