My Love-Hate Relationship

Oh Internet, how I love you, how I loathe you. My relationship with the Internet, with my email, with Facebook, with Twitter, etc. etc. etc. is definitely what could be defined as a love-hate relationship. My affections for all things Internet tend to come and go, to rise and fall like the tides. Seriously. It may sound odd to those of you who are ueber-connected all the time, at any given moment of the day, but I just can't be.

There are times when I am so in love with the Internet, with reading blogs, with writing posts for my own blog, with checking Facebook, with reading and tweeting on Twitter. To be honest, when I am on this kick, it is kind of sick, ridiculous in fact. I will check my email constantly, will look forward to when I check out what everyone and their mom is doing on Facebook or what they have tweeted that day. I can't get enough of reading the blogs I follow and with checking out new ones. I feel very connected, motivated by the plethora of interesting information and wonderful things I can find, read, be part of, in other words, waste my precious time on.

Then, there are the other times, times when people tend to think I have fallen off the face of the earth due to my lack of Internet usage. Sometimes, I hide from it. I sit in the living room and I feel my laptop looking at me from the corner of the room, lonely, waiting for me to pick it up and use if for wonderful things. It wants me to connect with people, to write, to read, to waste my time with it. But, I can't. The thought of checking Facebook makes me sick; the thought of writing a blog makes me cringe and I want to curl up in a ball and go to a happy place. I know, this sounds rather extreme and frankly, I am not crazy, though I sound like it at the moment. I just don't want to always know what is going on.

One thing that times like this, when I am anti-Internet, shows me, is who really cares. Who out there really wants to connect with me. Now, those of you who I "know" simply because I read your blog and you read mine, well, that is different. I know you might be sad when you see I haven't posted anything new in a month, but I assure you I always come back. On the same token, I always catch up on reading your blogs. I might miss out on a contest you have or miss the chance to reply to a rather timely post, but rest assured you have not lost a reader - I will be back (no, I am not saying this using the creepy Terminator voice). People who I actually know, people who are good friends, well, I don't think I should have to read your Facebook status updates or your tweets to know what is going on with you. You shouldn't count on reading mine to know what is going on with me. Maybe there is a real reason I am MIA online, but if you are waiting for me to post something on Facebook about why I am not on Facebook, well... you will be waiting for quite a long time. I also will not write a blog about why I am not blogging... really. I don't get it when people do. You know who you are - you write a blog saying you will not be writing a blog for awhile because (insert lame reason here). If you don't write and post, well you have your reasons and I will not question them in a judgmental way. Give me the same courtesy, please.

Those of you who know me well know that my preferred method of communication is phone. I have been a phone person since I was old enough to talk. I remember calling my Oma after the first day of Kindergarten and talking to her for hours about what happened that day. I was that tween who begged and begged to have a phone in her room so she could be on it without interruption. Today, my cell phone and I are co-dependent. I am okay with that. I never leave home without it, and you can bet I will have a small panic attack if I can't find it. If I lose it in my house, I will call it over and over again till I find it. It is also a sickness, fairly ridiculous, but I am okay with this as well. Call it one of my endearing idiosyncrasies. Awwwww. So, basically, if you want to know what I am up to, call me. Text me even. I am a big texter too, and in most circumstances it is a completely acceptable method of communication and connection with others. There are times when a phone call is best and certain things that really should be discussed voice to voice, on a more personal level. If I want to know what is going on with you, chances are, I will call, I will text. I might even email, but that all depends on the status of my relationship with the Internet at that exact moment. Also, if I really want to tell you something, invite you to something, I will call you or text you. I might even send you an old-fashioned invitation via snail mail. Yes, people do still write letters and send greeting cards! (If you are so inclined, one of the easiest ways to make me smile is to send me something in the mail. It makes my day every single time!)

Yes, I know that most people are ueber-connected all the time, that they live for Facebook status updates, tweets, blog writing and reading, online games, chats, etc., but I am not one of them, at least not all the time. I think sometimes when life is stressful it seems to me like partaking in these activities is just one more task. I know it can be relaxing to write and to spend time just reading, chatting, playing, and don't get me wrong, I do it sometimes. I have a friend with whom I have great "talks" via g-chat. It works well for us since we are both very busy ladies, and since we live a great distance from each other and are in different time zones. This might be my one exception to my "rule." During the times when I am stressed and not wanting to be online, she is a comfort, someone I always enjoy talking to, be it a serious conversation or just something light-hearted, sharing funny stories about our days. My one other moment of weakness might be blogging when I am upset. Sometimes it is difficult to talk about something, but writing, no one can cut you off, no one judges you as the words pour out; sometimes you just need to get the words, the emotions, the thoughts out, knowing you will feel better when you do. What you say might be judged later by those that read it, but that is okay. It is the getting things out that is the only way to start feeling better sometimes. So yes, I might blog when I am upset and then not respond to questions about what exactly happened or if I am okay. Don't be offended. Sometimes I just can't talk about things, or don't want to. And trust me, when i do, I will call you. We do all need someone to lean on sometimes, a kind ear to listen, maybe even one to tell us the truth that we is hard to hear, but this should be done sans Internet friends, truly.

Yes, Internet, sometimes I love you, sometimes I hate you. My affections waiver, but they never leave for good. Internet friends, you can love my presence and loathe my absence, but know I will always return. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow fonder....