Men Don't Understand Spaghetti

Spaghetti, a simple food, a comforting food, something familiar and deliciously not complex. Or is it? Well the spaghetti I am referring to is not the actual food, but rather a metaphor for the way women function in their everyday lives. If you have not heard of it, I highly recommend the book Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti by Pam and Bill Farrel. It talks about how men and women process things, how they function. My mom is a big fan of the theory this book presents, as am I. So, to break it down to the Reader's Digest version - Men like to keep each aspect of their lives, each event, each group of friends, coworkers, family, et cetera, separate, assigning each one of them a little compartment in their mind, much like the little individual squares of a waffle. This way, their thoughts are simpler, their lives "organized," neat and tidy and rather uncomplicated. Women on the other hand process things much differently. Like a plate of spaghetti, each event, person, thought and feeling that they have are parts of a whole, parts that run one into another, parts that get complicated, intertwined, messy, if you will. We women process life by letting everything combine with everything else, coming together and effecting each other part. We use what else is going on in our lives to process other parts, other situations.

I bet almost every gal has experienced the effects of the male "waffle" version of life organization and processing. Have you ever been with a guy and had him be squeamish about introducing you to a certain group of his friends? Well, this may have nothing at all to do with the way he feels about you, but rather the fact that you are a certain compartment in his waffle, perhaps filling one yourself, perhaps being part of one with other mutual friends you have. Women, we on the other hand, are more likely to want our groups to mingle, just the noodles, the sauce, the cheese, the meatballs, et cetera on the perfect plate of spaghetti. We generally have no problem letting one group meet the other, often subscribing to the "more the merrier" mentality. Each groups of friends and even our significant other come together to make a great social circle, non-compartmentalized.

So, how does this waffle vs. spaghetti theory apply to other parts of our everyday lives? Well, it is very simple, so simple that each of us can probably see it in our lives if we just take a peek at our plates. For example, for men, work, family, housework, their car, their friends, their finances, their hobbies, et cetera, are all in separate compartments, separate sections of the waffles that are their lives. For women, all these aspects mingle, co-exist, becoming something wonderful, yet sometimes messy and overwhelming. People and places, decisions and money, work, home, anything and everything, combine and touch one another, affecting each other part of the whole scrumptious plate. Now, I am not saying that spaghetti is always better than waffles or vice versa. I personally think that a little spaghetti and a little waffle is the best way to go. Perhaps we should try to mesh these vastly different cuisines and a greater level of happiness will result. Men should try and move out of their little compartments, out of their waffle comfort zone, and let things touch, let them mingle. Letting different groups of friends mix might make for a great gathering, and who knows, perhaps some of them will even become friends themselves. Perhaps people at home can assist with problems at work, or perhaps a solution to a work problem can be utilized on the home front. Who knows? In the same vain, women might want to try keeping some things separate, sometimes letting go and knowing that spaghetti is just as good with the meatballs on the side. Sometimes the "the more the merrier" mentality gets us in trouble. We should try to spend time with those who mean the most to us on a one-on-one basis occasionally. Sometimes office business needs to stay at the office, and something that upset us at 9 AM might not be worth letting affect our lives the whole day.

Thinking about compromise, what might be a better way to go for both men and women? What food analogy could there be (since in my mind, food can always be used for some good!)? How about fajitas... hmmmm. Well, just give it a chance... all of the ingredients in a fajita taste great individually, they work on their own, but combined together, they are fantastic. Even after being combined, they could be pulled apart and enjoyed alone. Can men and women function like a fajita, or? It is naturally difficult for men to enjoy spaghetti and for women to embrace the waffle, but not impossible. I am not saying that we should get rid of our spaghetti and waffles entirely, because the differences between men and women should also be enjoyed, after all, they are what most often attract us to each other. Perhaps men, you could try enjoying a little spaghetti now and then, and ladies, we could give waffles a shot. Who knows? Perhaps we will find a new way of processing and living that makes for a truly happy(er) ending for all!