Souls vs. Soles

Anyone who knows me knows that there are certain things that I am very passionate about. Okay, so they are not all what most people would call “worthwhile causes,” something like a charity or the environment, things like that, but that does not in any way make me shallow. I feel it means that I know what I like and that I stick with those things, which by the way, does not make me boring either. Perhaps I am somewhat of a creature of habit, but if you really think about it, people who are labeled as such simply know what they are comfortable with, what makes them feel good. As long as you can step outside that comfort zone now and then, I think you are a pretty well-adjusted and normal person (me, normal, ha!) But, I digress…. Back to what I am passionate about (although I will not list everything…): Number 1: My Friends and Number 2: Fabulous Shoes. Now, these may seem completely unrelated, but I feel that they can be quite similar.

For example, we all have those friends that we have had forever, people who have known us throughout many stages in our lives, who have loved us despite our bad choices and even worse haircuts. These relationships are not always pretty to look at, as they are usually full of blunt honesty, and as we all know, honesty is not always pretty and sometimes can be downright ugly. These friends are the ones we go back to when things get tough because they keep us grounded and remind us of who we really are and reassure us of who we can become. Sadly sometimes, we lose touch with these old friends, not talking to them for weeks or months at a time, but when the shit hits the fan, these are the people we call and turn to for comfort. Comfort, see that is the connection between these friends and shoes. These old friends, the ones with whom we have a bluntly honest, sometimes pretty, sometimes ugly, sometimes, exciting, sometimes boring relationship, are like an old pair of shoes. Now, I do not mean some gross old pair you see discarded in the trash, but rather that one pair of comfortable old tennis shoes or sandels, the ones that are so comfortable that you can’t bear to get rid of them, but you keep them hidden in the back of your closet because you don’t want everyone to see them. You don’t wear them out with your best outfit for an evening on the town (even though they would be way more comfortable than the 5 inch stilettos that you did chose), but rather slip them on when you run to the bank, the grocery store, the pharmacy at 2 AM for cold medicine and tissues. These shoes may not be the most fashionable ones in your closet, but they are true, they are supportive, they are comfortable, and you always know you can slip into them when you need a reassuring sole. Just like those old friends, comfortable, with a reassuring soul.

You see ladies, a woman can combine her passions, even if it is just metaphorically. Let’s see here… you know those new friends, the ones who you meet when you move to a new place or start a new job, join a new club or a new gym (probably while wearing the old comfy tennis shoes by the way). These friends are fun, they are exciting, they are new. They look great, even though when you get down to it, they are probably just like many of your old friends, you just don’t know it yet. I have found that oftentimes, these new friends can be like a new pair of shoes, you know, the designer pumps in this season’s hottest color. They look great, they are exciting, and yes, they can hurt. You love those shoes, just like you love those new friends. They are fun and they make you feel good, usually. Then, there are those times when they new friends can hurt you. Now, maybe it is because they don’t know you that well yet and don’t realize that jokes about a certain something (be it a tv show, a band, a hobby, etc.) will offend you. Chances are, because you really like hanging out with these new friends, you won’t say anything, but rather you will just laugh the comments off with a fake smile, taking another sip of your martini, and moving on. Now, those new shoes (yes, the ones you probably wore to hang out with those new friends), they can hurt, too. They are new and exciting (not to mention that the heels are way to high and they cost way too much) and you want to wear them all the time. But, they hurt. They start to rub just a little on your heel, your big toe, but you work through the pain, just saying thanks with a huge grin when someone compliments you on them. You would never say, oh well they are killing my feet when confronted with, “Hey, I love your shoes!” by that nice girl in your office. You would say thanks. Often in life (and fashion) we work through the pain. We put up with a certain amount of it because it betters us as people (or betters that outfit).

There is middle ground ladies, in both friendships and fashion. We have room in our lives and in our closets for both the old and comfortable and the new and exciting. And, if you are lucky, you find friends who are right there, standing tall on the middle ground. These are the new friends who you just know from the very beginning are going to become old friends, comfortable friends, friends for life. Now, this is not to say that these friendships will never involve pain, but if you really think about it, the relationships with your comfortable friends involved some, too, at some point along with road. The thing that makes these new friends so special is that you begin to feel comfortable with them right away. They are like that perfect pair of pumps, the ones that look to be just the right height to make you look sexy, but don’t kill your feet, are just the right color, matching your favorite outfit, and are on sale. These new friends offer you the best of everything, the right amount of comfort and excitement, and they fit right in, matching the tapestry that is your life. Oh, and the price is right, their friendship doesn’t cost you anything other than yours in return.

Like most of you, I have friends that fit into all three categories, the old and comfortable, the new and painful, and the new that are just the right fit. I think we are meant to have all of these people in our lives. Having old friends with whom things are settled and comfortable makes you appreciate the new friends, the excitement of beginning new relationships. At the same time, the new friends, with all of the uncertainty that comes with these new relationships, makes you appreciate the old friends, the ones you know so well. And then the new and comfy friends, the ones that seem to fit so well, to help you weave together all the others, enriching the fabric of your life with their brightness and strength. We all love our old comfy shoes and value our old comfy friends, the tried and true. We all have those new shoes and friends, the ones we have break in, working through the uncertainty and even some pain. And then, the others, the ones who when you put them on seem perfect, they look great and feel great. And the friend who do the same, they are exciting and fun, your friendship full of new memories and adventures, but who seem to fit just right. I feel lucky to have each of these types of friends in my life, as it is my friends whom I hold most dear. I truly believe that friends are the family you chose for yourself. But, don’t forget about the shoes, each chosen carefully to be part of not only your wardrobe, but your life. Choose carefully those around you, both the souls and the soles.